50.1 - Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance (Part 1)

I present to you this lukewarm defense of the one named Boyd: yeah sure he sucks, and he’s bad at combat, and he got his ass beat by a child that one time, and the only girl his age thinks he’s a huge dumb loser, and nobody actually values his opinion, and he seems weirdly full of himself despite all the abuse, and he’s definitely never gonna be in charge of anything, and his brothers are both more liked than him somehow, and… sorry, I lost my train of thought, what were we talking about? Aw, whatever. Let’s just move on to part one of our discussion on Smashterpiece #50 (oh my god what do you mean 50): Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance, this episode covering up to the end of Chapter 8. It’s the game with the swords and the grids and please stick around, yes I know the last one took a really long time but we’re- no hey come back, just give us a chance! Don’t take the kids!

We’ll be back soon with more discussion on Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance!

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report. This episode was edited by Joe.

49 - Star Fox: Assault

Space. Some say it’s the final frontier, but I never watched Star Trek so honestly I wouldn’t say that. Nobody can hear you scream in space, though! … But I haven’t seen Alien, either. Neither of these things has anything to do with the topic of this episode, the only slight thread that can be found is the fact that they all take place in space to some degree. Sure, not entirely in space. In fact some might say the amount of times our subject isn’t in space is too many. That subject is Smashterpiece #49: Star Fox: Assault, where space ships are reportedly part of the whole experience. I don’t know where I’m going with this and the meds are kicking in. Which meds? Iunno, Peppy had a lot sitting on his desk and I just sorta went ham. The music in this game is pretty alright, though! I don’t like dinosaurs. Does anybody else see those bugs? Please call a doctor.

Join us next time as we sharpen our swords and return to war in Smashterpiece #50, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report. This episode was edited by Joe.

48.2 - Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (Part 2)

I don’t wanna write this episode description. You can’t make me write it. What did this game do for me that makes it deserve an episode description from Michelin five star episode description chef Joe? Oh, what, is it pretentious to give myself five stars? It’s called self-confidence and I’m usually devoid of it, unlike the protagonist of Smashterpiece #48, Metroid Prime 2: Echoes, Samus Aran. She fights those there Ing and she does it without breaking a sweat! I assume. She wears a helmet, it’s difficult to tell. Anyways, no matter what Melanie says I don’t believe I owe this game my time in writing an episode description. I won’t be bullied into it, there’s nothing you or those Luminoths or any other space bugs can say that will change my mind. Especially not Spider Guardian, don’t you DARE bring up Spider Guardian, stupid rolly thing it doesn’t even look like a spider, can’t even do that right. With that being said, I’ll just stop writing and read over what I- OH GOD DAMNIT.

Join us next time as we enter THE BUG WARS (or something) in Smashterpiece #49: Star Fox Assault

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report. This episode was edited by Melanie.

48.1 - Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (Part 1)

So I’m talkin’ to this fella, right? And I says to him, I says, “I crashed my ship on this planet and now you tell me it’s planets? Two of ‘em?” And he says, here’s what he says, “my people are dying in an endless war between light and dark, please help us.” I say “fella listen up I just got here and you’re lookin’ for money? What is this, my most recent divorce trial?” He looks at me and he says “I need you to collect energy from the Ing and bring it back to this temple in order to help turn the tides.” I sit down cause this is a lot, I say “listen fella you want energy? So do I! Tired all the time, like I’m some kinda old coot!” He says “Go to the Agon Wastes.” I say “Buddy lemme tell ya I know a lot about waste, cause I’m a waste of space!” Then he shot me!

This episode covers up to the end of the Agon Wastes.

We’ll be back soon with more discussion on Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report. This episode was edited by Joe.

47.3 - Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (Part 3)

ATTENTION! If you or a loved one was diagnosed with “Possession” via a “Shadow Queen”, you may be entitled to financial compensation. Shadow Queen Possession is a rare Ghost Thing linked to crystal star exposure. Exposure to crystal stars on a skeleton’s ship, a fancy train, an unproperly sanitized fighting ring, a god awful tree, a creepy steeple, or The Moon may have put you at risk. Please don’t wait. Call into your nearest sewer drain for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. The packet will have all the info you need for the final episode of discussion on Smashterpiece #47, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. Shadow Queen Possession patients call now.

Join us next time as we move to the next phase(on) in Smashterpiece #48: Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report. This episode was edited by Joe.

47.2 - Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (Part 2)

Hey, woah, bro! What you got there, bro? A hammer, bro? What are you, some kind of Hammer Bro, bro? Are you gonna hit me, bro? All because I pulled a harmless little prank, bro? It was just a prank, bro! Just because I turned your dad into a pig, bro? Just because I pig’d your dad, bro? You’re gonna hit me with a hammer, bro? Not cool, bro. Bruh, bro… I don’t really know how to transition from this terribly stupid bit into actual information, bro. This episode covers chapters 4-6 for what it’s worth, bro. We laughed and we cried, bro. Much like how I’m gonna cry if you keep swinging that hammer, bro. C’mon, bro. I just don’t underst-

We’ll see you next time as we wrap up Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (bro)

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report. This episode was edited by Joe.

2023 Wrap-Up

2023 was the year of a lot of things. Playing Smashterpieces games was not one of them.

We’ll be back soon with more Paper Mario (I promise).

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance is provided by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Joe.

47.1 - Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (Part 1)

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! ACTUALLY IT’S THURSDAY! THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY! ARE YOU READY FOR A BRAWL? A BOUT? A GOD DAMN DONNYBROOK? YOU’RE IN THE PIT, AND IT’S TIME FOR THE TITLE MATCH! IN ONE CORNER THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE SHINING, THE SPECTACULAR, THE FEATHER BOUND, THE BIRD, RAAAAAAWK HAAAAAAWK! IN THE OTHER CORNER THE MYSTERIOUS MUSTACHIOED MENACE AND HIS SON, A LITERAL INFANT BORN HALF AN HOUR AGO! IT’S THE GREAAAAT GONZALES! IN TONIGHT’S MA- *ahem* oh god, it turns out screaming for an entire one of these descriptions does not do good things for the throat. This is part one of our discussion on Smashterpiece #47: Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. It covers the start of the game to the end of chapter 3, so I hope you’re ready to hear about why we miss the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, why we did not enjoy playing Bad Pikmin, and why it’s time to RAAAAAAWK. Or something like that. I don’t know, I’m not a lawyer.

We’ll be back soon with Part 2 of our discussion, which will cover chapter 4 to the end of chapter 6!

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance is provided by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Joe.

46 - Metroid: Zero Mission

Space Log #223: We’ve landed on Planet Zebes but we have lost our power suits, and therefore have lost the shell that protects our small and fragile human bodies. Worry not, though, as the hard shell on our hearts still remains. Well, mine does, I can’t actually speak for Matt. Sadly this particular hard shell is only metaphorical, as the heart is also squishy and made of pierceable flesh. I admit that maybe buying the cheapest pistols at Space Costco for our emergency kit was not the smartest idea, but I will never say out loud that Matt was right when he yelled at me for buying them. The guy at the store said these were the ones we wanted! We’re fine. It’s fine. Anyways, that’s not what this log is actually about, we’re actually going to talk about Smashterpiece #46: Metroid: Zero Mission. How does it compare to the original? What about to other remakes in the series, such as the remakes of Metroid II? How is the new section at the end? THE GUNS ARE FINE, STOP WHINING OR I WON’T GIVE YOU ANY MORE DISCOUNT SPACE RATIONS. THEY WERE ON SALE.

Join us next time as we flatten and fold into the world of Smashterpiece #47: Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance is provided by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Joe.

45 - Pokémon FireRed & LeafGreen

I wanna be the very best, or at least passable in the eyes of my peers. See, that’s the difference between you and I. You pick a Charmander because it’s the only one that gets to learn fly when it’s fully evolved, but that’s just the easy route. It works, yeah. But have you ever considered a Squirtle? It’s the only one that doesn’t get any dual typing at all, that’s the true patriot’s path. Back in my day we had to evolve uphill both ways, you damn kids have it too easy, everybody should have to suffer like I did. What was I talking about? Oh right, this episode is talking about Smashterpiece #45: Pokémon FireRed and LeafGreen, our first real Pokemon game. Things did not go according to plan. That’s another thing you young’uns don’t get: plans! And home ownership! Anyways we’re joined by our friend Devon as we delve into the region of Kanto for a remake of the original Pocket Monster collecting games. Who are you? Where are my teeth?

Join us next time as we return to Planet Zebes but this time for the first time in Smashterpiece #46: Metroid: Zero Mission

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Matt and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance is provided by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Joe.

BONUS - Kingdom Hearts II

Say fellas, did somebody mention the Door to Darkness?

Pokemon is coming.

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance is provided by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Matt.

AF23 - Doom (1993)

Did you know that dogs can’t look up? This implies that the Doomslayer, who also cannot look up, is in fact not a person but a dog. The evidence is out there, mostly on Mars and in Hell, but it is out there. Don’t believe me? Have you ever seen the Doomslayer eat food? Of course not, cause he’s eating his dog food in secret to throw you off the trail. Wake up, sheeple! The government doesn’t want you to know! The Doomslayer is a dog! Anyways, we’re here to talk about Doom. Not 2016, that’d be silly. We’re talking about the ORIGINAL Doom. You know, the one where you can’t look up BECAUSE THE DOOMSLAYER IS A DOG.

Join us next time as oh god we’re playing that? No, god no, what hath we wrought?

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance is provided by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Melanie.

44 - F-Zero GX

Welcome to FASCAR, the channel where we talk about Fast Cars. Today we’re gonna talk about the fastest cars of all, the ones of the legendary F-Zero Grand Prix. They go very fast. They go extremely fast. Think of the fastest thing you know. A beautiful stallion? Faster. A regal cheetah? Faster. A tuned-up racecar? Faster. A jet like from that one movie? FASTER. The speed at which my life has fallen apart and my family has left me so I’m stuck here in this dark room writing podcast episode descriptions trying desperately not to let it set in but it gets harder to do so every day? Somehow even faster. You can hear all about these speed demons in this episode discussing Smashterpiece #44: F-Zero GX. What do we think about the story mode as opposed to the Grand Prix? What makes this game so special in the world of racing games? Where’s your closest F-Zero AX machine? All that and more in today’s episode! (NOTE: We do not know which F-Zero AX machine is closest to you personally, that would be weird)

Join us next time as we set off on our first proper Pokémon adventure in Smashterpiece #45: Pokémon FireRed/LeafGreen

Our list of games can be found here!

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance is provided by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Joe.

43.4 - Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade (Part 4)

As I sit here on this battlefield, I think long and hard about the cost of this war. The lives lost (statistically like 7 or so), the wives widowed (I actually think our army only had three married people in it and two of them were married to each other), the blood spilt (this game is rated E for Everyone so honestly there really wasn’t any now that I think about it), the time taken (okay yeah this one checks out)… Was it really worth it? What were we even fighting for? I suppose if I had to come up with an answer it’d be that we were fighting for Smashterpiece #43, Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade. An era has finally come to an end, and it needs much discussion. How do the last few maps of the game hold up? What are some of the major differences between the ends Eliwood and Hector’s routes? Is Ninian Roy’s mom or did we all get it wrong? What even is a dragon, anyways? All this and more in today’s episode.

Join us next time as we go way too god damn fast in Smashterpiece #44: F-Zero GX

Our list of games can be found here!

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance is provided by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Melanie with assistance from Joe.

2022 Wrap-Up

Despite our many objections, another year has come and gone and time continues its merciless march forward. You may be tempted to feel anxious about the endless cycle of mortality slowly walking you towards a cliff, but we have just the remedy for that! Two peopl talking about video games they already talked about on a podcast! Then looking forward to the next year, as if any of this matters. Well, it matters to us, so don’t go spoiling our good time! We thank you for your support in 2022, here’s to more progress on this daunting list in 2023.

We’ll see you again soon for our final episode on Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade!

Our list of games can be found here!

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance is provided by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Joe.

43.3 - Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade (Part 3)

Ah, sorry we’re late! You know, the weather and the traffic and all that, but at least we’re just in time for the holidays! I mean, it’s only been… Oh god, has it actually been that long? Oh no, oh jeez, oh dang… It’s fine, let’s just say we went off to war and that’s why we took so long, right? War wasn’t won in a day! A fact that we have learned extensively in Smashterpiece #43: Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade. Much like the wheel of fate, Alex’s wheel of death continues to spin. Not really, more just people are dying. Everywhere, really. Even you, even me, even Eliwood, even the character from Binding Blade that you absolutely know because you’ve played Binding Blade, right? We’ve all played Binding Blade, the game that didn’t release outside of Japan? Yeah, we all played it. Definitely. Anyways, life is finite.

The next episode will be our final episode on The Blazing Blade.

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Melanie.

43.2 - Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade (Part 2)

Dearest Bethanissa,

I write to you from an island that I’m told not many return from once they have breached its shores. It’s cold here, the pegasus knights have had to chip the ice off their mounts’ wings using the spare axes in the caravan, the fires have barely been able to keep us warm. A cloaked gentleman popped out of a basement roughly three days ago and said no magic allowed, as it turns out our company has become so accustomed to lighting the nightly campfire using the magicks of our various mages. Nobody knows how to build an actual fire. To pass the time we can only discuss Smashterpiece #43: Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade. Without this distraction, I daresay we would have lost all morale long ago. I think of you often, Bethanistopher, your picture kept close to my chest in the locket you gave me before I was enlisted. I treasure it, and hope to see you again soon…

Matthew is dead. The thief not the host.

Part three of our discussion on The Blazing Blade will cover chapters 20-26.

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing by Peter Spezia. This episode was also edited by Joe.

BONUS - Paper Mario

This Fire Emblem game looks really weird. I mean I assume it’s Fire Emblem, it says Intelligent Systems on the box. That I definitely have. For this N64 game.

The war will continue soon, more Fire Emblem is to come!

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing assistance is provided by Peter Spezia. This episode was edited by Melanie.

43.1 - Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade (Part 1)

Draw thy blade, it is time to enter the world of war and strife, struggle and conflict, death and resets. Here there is no happiness, only pain, but there could be happiness at the end of this tunnel. The only way to find out is to fight. Florina died again. Today’s episode is discussing the first ten chapters of Smashterpiece #43: Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade, or just Fire Emblem as it is known in the west. We’re joined by Alex de Freitas of Nintendo World Report for our first check in on what was the first Fire Emblem to ever be released outside of Japan. How is Joe so far handling his first Fire Emblem without the crutch of a casual mode? Why is the beginning of this game so horribly handholdy? Why Erk make fire? All this and more in today’s episode!

Part two of our discussion on The Blazing Blade will cover chapters 11-19.

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing by Peter Spezia. This episode was also edited by Joe.

42 - The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker

Hello everyone, this is Melanie. I’ve wrested Joe’s keyboard away from him to bring you this urgent message: I’m being held hostage in game #42: The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, and I need you to come save me. I believe I’m being kept in a bad dungeon, which I understand doesn’t narrow it down very much. Oh god, he’s coming, make sure you burn this message before he can—

Melanie has unfortunately and painfully died of scurvy, just take my word for it.

Join us next time as we pick up our swords and meet our dragon wives in Smashterpiece #42: Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade

Our list of games can be found here.

You can watch Melanie and Joe stream these games here.

Smashterpieces is brought to you by Anonymous Dinosaur and Nintendo World Report, editing by Peter Spezia.